I don’t know what to say. I’m happy, and this is causing me all kinds of consternation and fear. Something will bring its wrath down on me for daring to feel ok. Oh, those of you who feel positive, and for all you photographic geniuses, watch out, for the wrath of God may humble your soul.
This has been an ongoing problem, which I only recently have decided to share with you. You see, deep, I mean truly deep within my soul, lies a content, powerful, happy person, who has always been unwilling or unable to show it for very long. You might dislike it, or me, or be jealous of it. You might want to bring me down to size.
So for years, I have always beaten you to the punch. I have fallen ill with every conceivable ailment imaginable. Unfortunately, some real ones have gotten intermingled with those imagined. But do not despair, both real and imagined have the power to squash anything that feels powerful and happy.
So despite the consequences, despite the retribution, I am here to tell you my most intimate and private thought. Please don’t tell anyone, but in fact, I am a powerhouse. Please don’t hate me for this, it’s in my DNA.
It is now the end of one person, and the beginning of the beginning of another, where the new person slowly becomes more public.
I hope you will like the new me.
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Pingback by Tweets that mention The End Starts Here -- Topsy.com — May 17, 2010 @ 3:47 pm
i truly love your blog. thank you.
Comment by katie — May 17, 2010 @ 5:38 pm
What? I don’t get it???? explain in layman’s terms please!!!
Comment by Johnny — May 18, 2010 @ 8:13 am
Hmmm….A POWERHOUSE, huh? I’m interested to learn what that means for you. I’m frequently accused of this same title…”You need to slow down”…”You do too much”…”You expect too much from yourself”…blah,blah,blah…
As for the b”eginning of the beginning”…I think that constant evolution of self is one of the most miraculous things that can happen to a person…no matter what your age. There is ALWAYS time.
…and speaking as the daughter of an extreme “Glass is half empty” mother, be careful waiting for the other shoe to drop, because you know what?
There’s a really good chance it may never drop.
Ever.
There might just be a continuation of your fabulous, wonderful, creative life.
The life that so many of your fans cheer on.
You are a marvel, Mr. Smith—never forget the inspiring things you have put out into this world.
Comment by Lara Blair — May 19, 2010 @ 6:22 am
Think you being hard on yourself.. what i read, which is U,is great! Thoughts, anxieties, fears, failures imminent! Thats all part of being a photographer. i mostly hate everything i’ve ever printed..so!
Comment by jason gold — May 20, 2010 @ 5:00 am
All I’ll say is, I can relate.
Thank you.
Comment by Danielle S. — May 29, 2010 @ 8:21 am
I believe this is true of most of us. Congratulations on letting the real YOU step forward!
Comment by BettyontheVerge — July 1, 2010 @ 11:21 am